


Leave

by hmweasley



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/M, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-08
Updated: 2018-07-08
Packaged: 2019-06-07 06:16:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15213002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hmweasley/pseuds/hmweasley
Summary: Marlene let Sirius talk her into joining the Order when they were little more than children, but now, with a child, she can't pretend that she's a fighter any longer. Not if it puts her son in danger.(AU where Sirius and Marlene are married and have a child.)





	Leave

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DarkAngelOfSorrowReturns](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkAngelOfSorrowReturns/gifts).



> This was written for Angel, whose birthday is July 11th.
> 
> Prompts:  
> Marlene (as part of the Build a Zoo challenge on HPFC)  
> Write a story set during either wizarding war or another conflict (for World Doll Day on TGS)

Marlene took several deep breaths, trying to remain calm. The first panic attack had caught her off guard, but in the two months since Paul had been born, she’d gotten better at detecting them.

In many ways, she was shocked it had taken being a mother for her to start having the attacks. The war created more than enough events to panic about after all. Even when Marlene wasn’t in the midst of an attack, anxiety lingered in her bones.

That anxiety had only increased in the two days since she’d made her decision.

Sirius had left on a mission for the Order earlier that morning. He’d smiled and kissed her goodbye as if he was heading off to do menial office work and would be back in time for dinner. He wouldn’t be. He’d be gone for days, and when he got back—if he made it back—he wouldn’t find Marlene and their son like he expected.

When she’d left Hogwarts, joining the Order had sounded like a grand idea. She’d help bring the wizarding world back to normalcy. She’d save people from death.

It had taken several months for that optimism to begin wearing off. The war continued, and more of their friends died every day. You couldn’t ignore it when you were in the midst of it. 

Dorcas.

She’d been tortured. For how long, they’d never know, but the state of her body had made it clear that the Death Eater responsible had relished the task. She certainly hadn’t been given pain relieving potions. She’d felt everything, and it had been excruciating.

Even as she thought about it more than a month after discovering the body, vomit rose in Marlene’s throat.

She hurried about the flat, throwing things willy nilly into the one suitcase she was allowing herself to take with her. Most of the stuff was for Paul. For herself, there was only one change of clothes and a handful of hygiene products. She’d get anything else she needed once they arrived wherever they were going. At the moment, she only had the vaguest of plans: somewhere outside Britain, preferably on the other side of an ocean. She’d start with America and see where it led her.

All she needed was a place that would guarantee Paul’s safety. She couldn’t raise her child in a war. When she’d first discovered she was pregnant, she’d let Sirius convince her that she could, but Sirius had always been full of grand notions that Marlene had done her best to believe.

He’d led her to the Order by making her believe she was a fighter. He’d filled her with stories of doing what was right and somehow still making it out on the other side.

Those had been childish beliefs, ones she couldn’t pretend to agree with now that she had a child herself.

Sirius wouldn’t see eye-to-eye with her. Sirius was meant to fight and would have been proud to go down as a martyr. That was fine, if it was what he wanted, but Marlene wouldn’t let their son go down with his father.

Gripping Paul tightly in one arm and their suitcase in the other, she didn’t allow herself to look at the flat as she Apparated away.

XXX

She should have expected to never leave New York once she arrived. It was enough like London that, if she tried hard enough, she could pretend she had never left home. As the years passed, though, she pretended that New York was London less and less as it became her home.

For wizarding America, the war in Britain was little more than stories. There was talk of it spreading into Europe, but You-Know-Who had yet to turn his attention beyond the continent. Maybe the Order was putting up too much of a fight. Marlene heard little about them in the American press, and as time passed, she grew more okay with that.

She hoped her friends were alive, but there was nothing she could do either way. As Paul began attending an elementary school meant for magical children in New York, Marlene had more immediate things to focus on.

When the knock came, Marlene was busy washing dishes. She wiped her hands absentmindedly against her jeans as she hurried to answer, thinking it had to be the landlord or one of the neighbors checking up on her as they were wont to do.

The door swung open, revealing Sirius on the other side. For several seconds, Marlene didn’t breathe, and Sirius made no attempt to do or say anything as they stared at each other.

His voice was cold when he spoke.

“Are you going to let me in or should I go ahead and take up residence in the hallway?”

“I’m pretty sure that’s illegal,” she shot back, finding some of her composure again.

Sirius shrugged, and Marlene, knowing he would actually make himself at home in the hall, let him passed her. She thanked her lucky stars that Paul was at school, safely protected from the truth.

It was immediately clear that Sirius had no desire to spare her feelings.

“James and Lily are dead.”

He stood in the middle of the living room and watched her with a detached expression as she collapsed onto the couch and held her stomach with one hand. He didn’t wait for her to speak.

“You-Know-Who was after them for nearly a year. Determined to see them dead. Dumbledore decided they needed a secret keeper, and he decided it should be me. But, at the last minute, I convinced them to change to Peter. I was sure it would be smarter. They’d never suspect, right?

“Maybe I was right, but Peter betrayed us. He was a Death Eater, Marlene, and James and Lily are dead. Now they only people who know it wasn’t my fault are dead or loyal to You-Know-Who. The Ministry of Magic wants me in Azkaban.”

Marlene stared at him with wide eyes. She went long enough without speaking that Sirius grew uncomfortable. He turned from her with a growl, tugging at his hair.

“You-Know-Who’s dead,” he said. “I don’t know if the Americans are talking about it, but somehow, James and Lily’s son Harry… He managed to kill him. No one knows what happened. I don’t know if it matters. The kid can’t talk yet, and he’s an orphan. I should be raising him. They made me godfather. Suppose they thought it was the least they could do when you ran off with my kid. But now I can’t do a thing because they want me in prison.”

Using all of the energy she possessed, Marlene held her shoulders high.

“What do you want from me, Sirius?”

He turned back to face her, his face like stone. It sent shivers down her spine that she tried her best to conceal.

“You came here to hide, didn’t you? That’s what your letter said.”

“It also said you shouldn’t come looking for us.”

“Well, now I want to hide too. At least this way I get to actually know my son.”

“You’re a wanted criminal.” Marlene stood, trying to make herself look as tall as she could. “I brought Paul here to protect him. You being here only puts him in more danger.”

Sirius scoffed.

“The Ministry isn’t You-Know-Who. If they track me down, they won’t lock a child up in Azkaban with me.”

“No, but they very well could take his mother for harboring a criminal. Then what? Will he go wherever they’re taking James and Lily’s son?”

“You’re my wife.” He managed to say the word with more disgust than Marlene would have thought possible. “Don’t forget that that didn’t change when you ran away. They can’t fault you—”

“Yes, they can.”

The ferocity in her voice made Sirius pause. She expected him to let out his anger, to yell right in her face. Not only did she expect it, she wanted him to. It would have been satisfying to hear what she’d imagined him saying for years. Her curiosity could be settled.

Instead, his shoulders sagged, and he looked more sad than angry.

Swallowing, Marlene averted her eyes.

“Leave, Sirius. Now.”

For some reason, he obeyed. She couldn’t bring herself to look at him, but she stared at the door long after he’d closed it behind him.

XXX

More than a decade passed before Sirius was cleared. Marlene only knew because she’d returned to London soon after the war had ended. They were safe in Britain again.

When Paul left for school in Scotland, Marlene mourned, not sure what to do with herself once she was in the house by herself.

Most of her friends had died in the war, and the ones that were left were difficult to track down. She wasn’t sure if Remus would want to speak to her even if she found him. There were times she thought she should to let him know that Sirius had asserted his innocence to her, but she wasn’t sure that would make anything better for him. So she stayed away.

When Sirius had escaped prison, Marlene had panicked, taking Paul on a sudden summer holiday to Bali in an attempt to keep his father at bay. He’d had to go back to Hogwarts eventually, but she was sure he’d be safe there.

She hadn’t counted on what followed: another war that she had been unable to keep her son from joining once it had engulfed the entire country, and, at the end of it all, Sirius’ innocence being acknowledged.

Marlene stayed out of all of it, refusing to join the Order and keeping Paul away from the fight for as long as possible. Thanks to her influence, he never did join the Order, but he did plenty else that left his mother in a constant state of panic.

He was alive after it all, and he knew, having pieced it together himself, exactly who his father was.

Despite the decades that had passed, Marlene still loved Sirius fiercely. It hadn’t been enough to overshadow the love she held for their son, but she did love him. Between that love and Paul’s anger at being kept from his father for so long, Marlene caved.

Sirius wasn’t hard to find when he wasn’t on the run. Being the godfather of the hero of wizarding Britain came with enough notoriety that she tracked him down with few problems.

“What do you want?” he growled as soon as he’d flung the door open.

Marlene cringed. She’d been expecting anger, but hearing it still hurt.

“To talk.”

“About what? You’ve made it abundantly clear on more than one occasion that you want nothing to do with me.”

She stepped forward, putting a hand against the door in case Sirius tried to close it in her face.

“Want nothing to do with you? Is that what you got from everything? I’ve always wanted something to do with you, Sirius, but I had a child to think about, a child who was in danger. I did what I had to do to protect Paul.”

“Good for you,” Sirius growled.

“You can’t blame me—”

“I’ll do whatever the bloody hell I’d like. Leave.”

“Paul knows you’re his father. He wants to meet you.”

“I know.”

Marlene froze, shivers running down her spine.

“The kid wrote to me a month ago,” Sirius admitted, not looking Marlene in the eye. “He told me how he found out.”

“Then you—”

“I didn’t write him back.”

Marlene took a deep breath.

“Figured you wouldn’t want me to,” Sirius continued. “I wouldn’t want to make you flee Britain again.”

“You can write him,” Marlene said, voice wavering. “You’re his father. Of course you can. If you’d like, you can meet him. I won’t stand in the way.”

Sirius scoffed.

“Right. Now I have a right to see him. Fuck you, Marlene.”

 

“You have a right to be angry, but I want to set things right.”

“Bloody convenient to do that now, isn’t it? Once I’m easier to be around.”

“This isn’t—”

‘Don’t you dare lie to me. You’ve pulled a lot of shit in the past, but at least you haven’t lied.”

Marlene took several steps away from the door, keeping her eyes on Sirius.

“Write him.”

She didn’t stay to see Sirius’ response.


End file.
